Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these onyx eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these onyx eyes
Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Anymore...
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these onyx eyes
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these onyx eyes
(Original version by Kelly Clarkson 'Behind These Hazel Eyes')
The story of a girl...too much fantasy, so many ice - creams!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Girls' Generation (SNSD) - Chocolate Love (Version 2) MV
A tribute for Vanilla's one true love <3 <3
Confessions (Indirectly)
Vanilla was desperate today. Her brain was yelling at her to stop but her restless partially broken heart was wailing for her to do it. She reached for her Blackberry and scrolled to BBM. Her status message was empty. "Perfect. I could just pour it all out here." she said. After reading so many romance quotes on Twitter, she finally mustered some courage to "confess" to Chocolate. With words that came from her heart and translated by her brain, she wrote:
Meeting you was fate
Becoming your friend was a choice
But having a crush on you was beyond my control
I like you for what you are and not what you have
I'm not materialistic
I know I'm nothing compared to you
Your friends might not think that I'm the one for you
You might even puke on this
Yeah, I'm not hot like Kim Kardashian
I don't wear mini skirts, high heels or carry LV bags
I'm just an ordinary girl from an ordinary family
I still think you're cute though how ridiculous your hair is
Or how many times I'd see you with that same shirt
But this feeling I have
It hurts so bad if I just keep it to myself
It's been months now
I don't really want anything from you
Just wanting to know how you feel
So, if you get this, please react accordingly
If you don't, then probably there'd be no next year for us
Then, I'll try to forget you.
I'm just being honest
.
I've never done anything like this before.
Then seconds later...
"OH CRAP!! I REGRETTED DOING THAT!!!" Vanilla yelled.
LOL xD
Monday, November 7, 2011
End My Misery =( [Part II]
So... she didn't get to see him again. Oh, well, Vanilla thought. I knew this was gonna happen. She kept her focus on tuition as usual, though she was raging madness deep inside. Lucky for her, she had Blackberry who made her feel a little better with her story of a 'no - life' dude stalking her on Facebook for the past few months. And that stalker is Chocolate's schoolmate. And she mentioned about him and Chocolate being stage buddies during International Understanding Day and that they stripped half nude at the end of their performance. (Just the shirt) And Vanilla was like, "Were there any girls watching the show??" LOL. You can bet she's jealous. She remembered the last time her ex - crush accidentally took off his shirt in front of her. She went all bright red like a tomato!
"What's with him anyway?" Vanilla asked her giant teddy bear later that night. It was useless, but Bear - Bear was the only one at home who would listen to her problems with very much nothing to say. Duh. He's a plushie. "First of all, does he like me? Or is it just me?" Judging by the way he talked to her, the way he glanced at her straight in the eyes, how he would reply her messages no matter how late at night or laughing at her crappy stories, it was impossible there couldn't have been nothing. Maybe he was just hiding it. Guys can never be separated from their ego. "Why do I feel like he's a little... different nowadays? Ever since after the exams."
She had been dreaming about him every single night. It was beyond her control. She felt uncomfortable with her feelings. She tried listening to some music, but only to realize that it would just bring tears to her eyes especially the ones that was truly related to her situation. She didn't know how many buckets of tears she had wasted 'cos of him.
Should I've not met you in the first place, Vanilla thought. I wouldn't have ended up like this.
When will Vanilla finally get to see Chocolate again? Find out soon in 'End My Misery [Part 3]'
"What's with him anyway?" Vanilla asked her giant teddy bear later that night. It was useless, but Bear - Bear was the only one at home who would listen to her problems with very much nothing to say. Duh. He's a plushie. "First of all, does he like me? Or is it just me?" Judging by the way he talked to her, the way he glanced at her straight in the eyes, how he would reply her messages no matter how late at night or laughing at her crappy stories, it was impossible there couldn't have been nothing. Maybe he was just hiding it. Guys can never be separated from their ego. "Why do I feel like he's a little... different nowadays? Ever since after the exams."
She had been dreaming about him every single night. It was beyond her control. She felt uncomfortable with her feelings. She tried listening to some music, but only to realize that it would just bring tears to her eyes especially the ones that was truly related to her situation. She didn't know how many buckets of tears she had wasted 'cos of him.
Should I've not met you in the first place, Vanilla thought. I wouldn't have ended up like this.
When will Vanilla finally get to see Chocolate again? Find out soon in 'End My Misery [Part 3]'
Thursday, November 3, 2011
What Else Is There To Think About?
The world seemed move faster back then. But for the last two days, one second felt like F-O-R-E-V-E-R! Vanilla has skipped school for the second day. It wasn't the poker playing gang. It wasn't even the stupid - love - song - playing morons. She just needed to take her mind of things. 'Things' like 'you - know - what'. She would go to bed really late at night, hoping that she could escape her dreams. With all the things bothering her mind right now, she just wished for dreamless nights. But for the past two nights, she kept on seeing 'him'.
"Why?"
This used to be a saying of the old folks. If you suddenly thought of someone, that particular person must be thinking of you as well. Oh, really? she asked herself. The problem is, she has been thinking of him since she first realized that she actually liked him. Does that mean he has been thinking that much of her as well? Vanilla laughed. Stupid old sayings. If he'd thought of me, he wouldn't have done this to me.
And for the past few days, 'Cry' by Rihanna became addictive. The lyrics touched her heart. For a moment she felt as if Rihanna knew everything about her.
Did it happen when we first kissed?
'Cos it's hurtin' me to let it go
Maybe 'cos we spent so much
And I know that it's no more
I should've never let you hold me, baby
Maybe that's why I'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give it to you on purpose
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart
Exactly, Vanilla thought. I've gotte figure out how you stole my heart, Chocolate. I've gotta figure out how is it almost impossible to forget you.
"Why?"
This used to be a saying of the old folks. If you suddenly thought of someone, that particular person must be thinking of you as well. Oh, really? she asked herself. The problem is, she has been thinking of him since she first realized that she actually liked him. Does that mean he has been thinking that much of her as well? Vanilla laughed. Stupid old sayings. If he'd thought of me, he wouldn't have done this to me.
And for the past few days, 'Cry' by Rihanna became addictive. The lyrics touched her heart. For a moment she felt as if Rihanna knew everything about her.
Did it happen when we first kissed?
'Cos it's hurtin' me to let it go
Maybe 'cos we spent so much
And I know that it's no more
I should've never let you hold me, baby
Maybe that's why I'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give it to you on purpose
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart
Exactly, Vanilla thought. I've gotte figure out how you stole my heart, Chocolate. I've gotta figure out how is it almost impossible to forget you.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
End My Misery =( [Part I]
Vanilla wasn't really herself after that rainy day. Her heart and soul were just unattached. All because of one broken string. She went to school the next day, hoping to find some comfort from Mint and Blueberry. To her horror, neither of their souls were present. It was another a fact she forced herself to accept. She forced herself to be alone. Alone, her misery replayed over and over like a broken record.
She just stared at the other kids who seemed to be having the greatest time of their lives playing poker and monopoly with their own gang. Stupid gangs, she cursed mentally. Some dudes even played some cheesy romance numbers on their acoustic guitars at the back of the classroom. Stupid love songs!
But what didn't really annoy her was this certain guy with his, which Vanilla have thought to be, his girlfriend. They were sitting in opposite directions. He had a guitar of his own. With skillful fingers, he played a song for his girlfriend. Vanilla recognized that it was 'More than words'. A song which she used to love when she was six. She remembered being a fan of Westlife. Ah, those days, she thought. She admired the young couple. She could see that they were so in love. Just then a sudden feeling struck in her. She couldn't hold back her tears. Embarrassed, she turned away. Vanilla leaned toward her desk and buried her face in her arms.
She waited every second. She counted every second. None of them could take her mind of Chocolate. She didn't know what to expect from him after this. What was really on his mind right now? She was rained with endless questions she wished she could get an immediate answer. Have I ever crossed your mind? Do you think of me as much as I think of you? Have I ever been in your dreams?
Vanilla wasn't really disappointed when Chocolate didn't show up the next day at tuition. She'd expected this. Even though she had known the outcome, she couldn't deny the fact that it was driving her up the wall.
She received a BBM message.
Chocolate: I'll see u next week. Promise.
Vanilla: Should I believe that? Like seriously??
Chocolate: Yeah. I'm just stressed since I'm left behind.
Vanilla: Hm. Ok.
He had promised her. Will he REALLY keep his words?
She just stared at the other kids who seemed to be having the greatest time of their lives playing poker and monopoly with their own gang. Stupid gangs, she cursed mentally. Some dudes even played some cheesy romance numbers on their acoustic guitars at the back of the classroom. Stupid love songs!
But what didn't really annoy her was this certain guy with his, which Vanilla have thought to be, his girlfriend. They were sitting in opposite directions. He had a guitar of his own. With skillful fingers, he played a song for his girlfriend. Vanilla recognized that it was 'More than words'. A song which she used to love when she was six. She remembered being a fan of Westlife. Ah, those days, she thought. She admired the young couple. She could see that they were so in love. Just then a sudden feeling struck in her. She couldn't hold back her tears. Embarrassed, she turned away. Vanilla leaned toward her desk and buried her face in her arms.
She waited every second. She counted every second. None of them could take her mind of Chocolate. She didn't know what to expect from him after this. What was really on his mind right now? She was rained with endless questions she wished she could get an immediate answer. Have I ever crossed your mind? Do you think of me as much as I think of you? Have I ever been in your dreams?
Vanilla wasn't really disappointed when Chocolate didn't show up the next day at tuition. She'd expected this. Even though she had known the outcome, she couldn't deny the fact that it was driving her up the wall.
She received a BBM message.
Chocolate: I'll see u next week. Promise.
Vanilla: Should I believe that? Like seriously??
Chocolate: Yeah. I'm just stressed since I'm left behind.
Vanilla: Hm. Ok.
He had promised her. Will he REALLY keep his words?
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Rainy Days
Sadness, despair, anger. That was all Vanilla knew today.
It was raining. Perfect, she thought. At least the sky knew how she felt. She watched as the cars passed by outside the glass window of the front seat of her dad's car. I thought this was supposed to be the day, her mind cried in silence. The sound of the rain was overwhelming.
She didn't see any of this coming. This feeling of sadness didn't cross her mind earlier. It felt so wrong. She was supposed to be excited. Excited to see Chocolate, like he had said in his BBM message 3 days ago. He said he was going to see her. And she believed him.
She was thrilled. She did the extreme. Vanilla ransacked her entire closet that day for the PERFECT outfit (in her terms). She matched a checkered maxi skirt with a vintage 'Alice in Wonderland' top. It was supposedly hardwork, but she didn't mind 'cos her hopes were high. It's been 3 weeks since she last saw Chocolate after he left for a holiday in New Zealand. In their BBM message, he even told her that he went to watch the Rugby World Cup and fortunately, his favourite team, The All Blacks had won. Vanilla felt happy for him.
After spraying on her favourite Lychee Blossom fragrance, Vanilla stepped out of the house. It was raining cats and dogs already but she didn't see it as a downside. She'd do whatever it takes to see Chocolate. He was all she had in mind.
She got in the car. Adrenaline rushed through her veins. With earphones on, she listened to her favourite tracks by Late Night Alumni. She thought of him every second.
Until... there was a BBM message.
It's him! she squealed mentally. Her excitement was at peak. She scrolled to read the message. However, when she had read it, her vision became cloudy in a flash. Her heart swelled. Tears collected in her eyes and slowly trickled down her cheeks. He wasn't coming.
The fact had hit her like a hammer. She was crushed. This was the third time he said he couldn't come. This was the third time in a row. Vanilla cried. She spent the next 90 minutes alone in her thoughts. His empty seat beside her was driving her insane. The pain... Oh, who knew it? It felt like you didn't get the chance to say goodbye to someone you love for the very last time and that you terribly missed that person.
She went home. The burden of sorrow weighed on her heart. She crept onto her bed. Closing her eyes, she hoped that she would see him in her dreams tonight. Even if it's for a short while.
After spraying on her favourite Lychee Blossom fragrance, Vanilla stepped out of the house. It was raining cats and dogs already but she didn't see it as a downside. She'd do whatever it takes to see Chocolate. He was all she had in mind.
She got in the car. Adrenaline rushed through her veins. With earphones on, she listened to her favourite tracks by Late Night Alumni. She thought of him every second.
Until... there was a BBM message.
It's him! she squealed mentally. Her excitement was at peak. She scrolled to read the message. However, when she had read it, her vision became cloudy in a flash. Her heart swelled. Tears collected in her eyes and slowly trickled down her cheeks. He wasn't coming.
The fact had hit her like a hammer. She was crushed. This was the third time he said he couldn't come. This was the third time in a row. Vanilla cried. She spent the next 90 minutes alone in her thoughts. His empty seat beside her was driving her insane. The pain... Oh, who knew it? It felt like you didn't get the chance to say goodbye to someone you love for the very last time and that you terribly missed that person.
She went home. The burden of sorrow weighed on her heart. She crept onto her bed. Closing her eyes, she hoped that she would see him in her dreams tonight. Even if it's for a short while.
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